I attended a funeral yesterday and I have some feelings I need to express and get out of my head.

I am completely uncomfortable with open caskets.  I cringe when I hear the words, "Doesn't she look beautiful?"; "Doesn't he look good?"  NO...they DON'T!  At least not to me.  I have been to a lot of funerals and not once have I felt inclined to make such a comment.  The spirit has left the body.  It's just a shell now.  Why do people need to look at it?  I don't understand it.  People say they need closure.  I don't need to see a dead body to feel closure.  I realize this is just my own preference and opinion, that's why I get to blog about how I feel about it.

When our first-born baby died, we did not have a funeral; just a graveside service for family.  I did not want an open casket.  This was MY baby.  Yes I felt possessive.  I did not want anyone looking at him.  Besides, it wasn't him.  Know what I mean?  It did NOT look like him, plus he had been pumped with so many fluids in the hospital, that he was bloated and he looked nothing like himself; then you add to that, the fact that the spirit had left his body, which as mentioned above, leaves only a shell.  I wanted family to remember him as he was when alive and well.  I had instructed the mortician, where his body lay awaiting burial, to not allow anyone to see him.  I didn't even want grandparents to see him, but now that I AM one, I can understand their need, I guess.  But there were several acquaintances who were well-meaning, stop by the funeral home to view our baby.  Why? 

Why are there viewings prior to the funeral?  Is it to satisfy a person's curiosity?  I do understand paying respect by offering a piece of our heart to the family members left behind, but I don't like  hearing the chatter that follows, of how the person looked, especially when it's unfavorable.  What purpose does that serve?  I don't mean to be heartless, I just don't understand or like it. 

I do love to hear about a person's life.  Many times I find out more about a person at their funeral, than I knew while they were alive.  In the case of this most recent funeral I attended, I only knew this person during her years of struggle and bad times.  It was refreshing to hear about her earlier years and the good that she did during her life and the successes she enjoyed.  I love hearing all the anecdotes and talents that I hadn't known about.  I love the honor and respect shown to the one who has passed from this life. 

While I don't feel comfortable with over-glorifying a person just because they're dead, I do think it's a wonderful thing to honor and respect them as a child of God.  He loves them, and will welcome all His children home.

Funerals remind me to tell and show my loved ones often, how I feel about them.  Don't let an opportunity pass by to give someone a compliment (an honest one that you think inside, but don't usually open your mouth to say outloud); don't hold back the hugs and other expressions of love and friendship.  I'm getting better at doing this so that I have no regrets.  I imagine how the person who has died, who may be listening to their funeral service, may feel as he/she listens to all the nice things said about them, and wonder why those things were never said to them while alive.  Sad!

Sometimes I feel anxious inside following a funeral.  I think of all the things I don't want to leave un-done.  It makes me frantic.  This can be a good thing because it snaps me out of my trance that I sometimes fall into in life, and take action; get moving.

Funerals can be so uplifting too.  It's such a comfort to know that there is life beyond this one.  Love of a Heavenly Father can be felt so strongly.

Last of all, it causes me to think of what might be said about me when I die.  Not that I want that kind of attention, or have anything said at all.  But what kind of legacy will I leave behind?  As we've recently experienced many fires in surrounding areas, and have asked ourselves what would we grab if our own neighborhood was ever threathened and evacuation was necessary, I've also been thinking about what will I leave behind when I die?  To leave a home at a moment's notice, we realize we only care about precious pictures and special mementos, while all our worldy possessions don't matter anymore.  When I die, I don't care to be remembered for inconsequential things; I hope to be remembered for being a good Wife, Mother, Grandmother, Daughter, Sister, Friend.  I hope what shines brightest, is my love for my Father in Heaven and my Savior.  There should be no question of where I stand on religion and I hope to live up to my beliefs and be remembered for that.

I KNOW That My Redeemer Lives.  There is a plan beyond this life; a grand eternal plan.  I'm not anxious to hurry to the great beyond just yet, but I'm sure happy to know where I'm going.

You matter

Sometimes I think my life is too boring to write about, so I've let a lot of time pass without posting.  I won't try to play catch-up at this point, but will just pick up and move on from here. 

This past Sunday I attended missionary farewells for three young men.  I was touched by each one of their talks and I was moved to tears more than once.  Not too long ago these young men were little boys, playing with my son, and now they're all grown up, talking about and teaching things that we as parents, teachers, and leaders, have tried to instill in them over the years.  Now they dish it back out, and I re-learn. 

Several great principles were talked about that day, but the one that has hit home with me the most is a message shared by my son's best friend.  He was on the high school football team and he talked about how everyone focuses on, and cheers for the one who makes the touchdown.  Have you noticed how many players are out on the field?  They each have a job to do, and yet the only one really noticed is the one attempting to make the touchdown.  If the others don't do their job, the touchdown won't happen.  The other players really don't get much recognition, and yet they shouldn't expect to; they just need to go out there and do their job as best they can. 

He likened this to whatever we do in our lives.  We can't all be in the spotlight, nor should we be.  There is no job more important than another.  Whatever we do, we need to put forth our best effort.

I am happy to be in the background, not noticed, and yet that does not give me the excuse to be a slacker.  I still have a job to do, and it makes a difference.  However I choose to fulfill my role, does affect others.

I watched a movie tonight that I've seen many times; The Help.  I love it, and it always gives me so much to think about, and I love the line that Abeleine says to May Mobley; "You is Kind, You is Smart, You is Important."

Those are my thoughts for tonight.