Is it worth it?

I said goodbye to my son today for two years. Through my tears, I silently ask myself if this is worth it.

His room is quickly emptied and then filled with another son's stuff. His guitar is laid to rest in the storage room. I already miss the music he made with that instrument. Items of clothing are donated to DI, others are left behind for his return. Bedding is washed, but I catch a whiff of his scent on his pillowcase and dissolve into tears once again.

I can't help but think of what and who he will miss; his siblings, especially one brother who will be on his own mission when he comes home; his nephews and niece; the birth of another nephew or niece, and who knows what else.

For me, I will miss his mere presence, his smile, his laugh, his teasing manner, his generosity, his humility, his strength, his integrity, his testimony, his patience, his calmness, his love.

I mourn for the life as we have known it. Things will never be the same. Change has taken place once again.

If I were to dwell on these reasons alone, then NO, this would not be worth it at all. But wait...I think of all the growth that will come to him with this experience. I think of the man he will become. I think of the diciple of Jesus Christ he is, and of the many other lives he will touch. I think of how this sacrifice on his part, will return to him blessings unmeasured, which therefore, makes it no sacrifice at all. I think of the language he will learn, the communication and public speaking skills he will develop, the ability to do everything on his own now, the need he will have to rely on God everyday and how his relationship with Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ will be cemented. How selfish am I to want to keep him home all to myself? I would not want to deny him of this wonderful experience.

So once again, I hug my son tightly, express my deepest love for him, and then let him go. I bravely wave goodbye as five other missionaries surround him at the MTC and he walks away, yet I know he's in good hands.

Yes I come home and cry some more, and will probably continue to do so for a while, but I know the benefits far outweigh any sacrifice I selfishly think I am making.

I know he is doing what he needs to do, I know the blessings that come, and even as my heart aches, I loosen those apron strings for one more son. It's time for him to fly, and I know this son of mine is ready to soar. Yes, this is worth it!